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Under The Floorboards

A Gilmore girls podcast hosted by two SUPERFANS.
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Oct 25, 2016


7 Reasons Why I Hate Christopher Hayden, and Why You Should, Too




 


Christopher isn't exactly anyone's favorite Gilmore girls character.  He's seen by all but a (misguided? confused? insane?) few, as just one of many obstacles standing between Luke and Lorelai. However, a few of us true believers hate Christopher with a deep, passionate loathing. Let's take a closer look at why I hate Christopher's ass-face guts, and why you should too.




  1. He ‘s a shitty dad.
    The first time we meet Christopher, he comes roaring into Stars Hollow on his motorcycle. Rory is, of course, overjoyed to see her dad.  Lorelai…not so much.  During their exchange Lorelai asks Chris what brings him to town. He replies that he was “just passing through” on his way to see his parents, so he thought he’d drop in on the Gilmore girls. What. An. Asshole. This casual statement has to hurt Rory on some level. To Chris, Rory is simply an afterthought. It was convenient for him to swing by, so he did.
     
    We find out in the next episode that this is the first time Christopher has EVER been to Stars Hollow. His nearly 16-year-old daughter has lived there since she was a toddler, and he has never visited. This is the moment that created- and perpetuates- my lifelong hate of Chris.
     
    He’s missed birthdays, doctor’s appointments, and all her firsts. He’s missed every lost tooth. He’s missed Christmas after Christmas. Now that Rory’s grown and the work of raising her is done, he wants to swoop in and be her buddy.  Dick.
     
  2. He’s only around when things are good between him and Lorelai.
    When Christopher comes to town, you can bet he’s going to spend most of his time trying to get with Lorelai. During the aforementioned first visit to Stars Hollow, he takes advantage of Lorelai’s vulnerability after she gets an emotional beat-down from her parents. On another trip he lies to both Lorelai and Rory about his flourishing business and proposes to a flabbergasted Lorelai. Yet another time he sleeps with Lorelai and then proceeds to crush the girls’ hope that he is going to stick around for once.
     
    Worse yet, Christopher consistently cuts Rory out whenever he and Lorelai are on the outs.
     
  3. He’s always letting Rory down.
    It might be in one of a million small ways, like promising Rory a book he can’t actually buy. At other times he disappoints her monumentally, like when he gets Rory’s hopes up that he and her mom are going to get back together, or when he promises Rory he’ll stay away from Lorelai and then immediately breaks that promise. Christopher can always be counted on- to not be counted on.
     
  4. Every time he comes to town he fucks shit up for Lorelai.
    As mentioned above, Christopher takes advantage of an emotional Lorelai on his first trip to Stars Hollow; this on the night that Lorelai was supposed to be helping Luke paint. From that moment on, he leaves Lorelai a wreck of hurt feelings and confusion after every visit.
     
  5. He’s the “adult” version of Logan.
    ‘Nuff said.
     
  6. He’s even more of a douche when he inherits big money.
    Christopher was only 90% worthless butthole before he inherits millions of dollars. The dough simply closes that last 10%. Throwing money around like a pimp, now he is not only worthless, but arrogant and condescending as well. Beauty.
     
       7.  He’s a terrible influence on Lorelai.
           Talking Lorelai into getting married without              Rory there is despicable, and unforgivable.


 


Liking Christopher is cause for admittance to an institution. Simply dismissing him as an annoyance isn’t enough. A pure hate of Chris is all that will do. Join me, won’t you?







Oct 25, 2016
Logan Huntzberger's is often touted as the ultimate suitor for Rory Gilmore. With his quick-witted verbal sparring, Prince Charming good looks, and undeniable charm, it's easy to understand how a casual evaluation could lead one to this conclusion.  With the Gilmore girls revival just around the corner, now seems like the right time for a lesson in dating- Logan style.
 
Rule #1- Be rich. The kind of rich that allows your family to look down their plastic noses at Gilmore money.
 
Rule #2- Be exceptionally good-looking. This is the closest thing to a job you should ever have.
 
Rule #3- Be a bad boy. Seriously.  I'm not talking a Dean-off-the-bus-from-Chicago, 90s knee length trench coat, floppy - haired bad boy; or a cool, bookish, monosyllabic, gel'd haired Jess Mariano bad boy. I'm talking really bad. Break all the rules; heck, break all the laws. Get booted from school after school until only daddy's money and connections can save you. Live the lazy, worthless, playboy lifestyle to the hilt. Why? Two reasons: First, because you can. You're rich. You're beautiful.  You're untouchable. You're bored. Secondly, chicks love a bad boy.
 
Rule #4- Be a jerk, but for goodness sake, be charming about it! This is extremely important.  It is crucial that during your first few encounters with the girl you are pursuing, she regard you as the most shallow, worthless jerk on the planet- but a charming and exciting one ;D Plan an outrageous stunt to humiliate her in public, but make it something exciting  that could be regarded as "sweet".
 
Rule #5- Be adventurous. After all, besides pissing off the parents and spending their dough, what else do you have to do? Travel the world. Jump off cliffs. Follow a huge wheel of cheese down a really steep hill. Chicks love a guy who inspires them to take risks and challenges them to live a little on the edge.
 
Rule #6- Let her come to you. Throw out your charming, rich, adventurous net and see what you drag in.
 
Rule #7- Once you have her, mess stuff up. A lot. You want the fact that you are a worthless, butt-faced miscreant to be well-documented and firmly entrenched in her mind, from day one. She'll try to "help" (i.e. change) you, but as long as you stay rich and attractive, you're in like Flynn.  At such time as you have solidified your screw up status, throw her a curve ball once in a while by pulling your crap together and bailing her out of a tough day at work or having dinner with her grandparents. This is "normal" boyfriend stuff, but by doing it only occasionally and in between screwups, it will seem super special.
 
Rule #8- Avoid her friends and family as long as possible. Should you be forced into a situation where you have to meet them, do something really obnoxious like stealing a knick - knack or being a condescending jerk. Disguise your belittling as honesty unless the friend is an ex-boyfriend. In this case make no attempt to play nice. Use big words and put down his brightest accomplishments. *BONUS* When your girl storms off in a huff after you've berated her former boy-toy, you're free to assume you are broken up, thereby freeing you up to have sex with all the chick's you've been missing out on while in this "relationship".
 
Also, NEVER visit her on her home turf. Do not go to her home town until it's time to propose or you need a note from her mommy.
 
Rule #9- Grand gestures. Since you'll be screwing up a lot, you'll need a quick way to patch things up. Grand gestures are great, but time consuming. They usually require a lot of thinking and planning and even work. Meh. Instead, I suggest the Grand Genarasture. Here's how it works-money. Whenever your girl is in a tiff, just throw some of daddy's money at the problem. Do things that seem like grand gestures, but which require no thought or effort. Endless bouquets of flowers. Truckloads of candy. A coffee cart for a day.
 
Grand Generastures work great for gift giving as well. The more expensive, and less labor intensive and creative, the better. Hand over your car and driver for a day. Buy her a Birkin Bag. Set her up in your posh apartment.
 
You may ask, "But Logan, won't she realize these are only hollow gestures that require only money and a phone call?" If she does, dump her. (But she won't.)
 
Rule #10- Bond with her loser dad. After all, he's the future you!
 
Rule #11- Pretend to "clean up your act" by spending a year in Europe, "working" and meeting cute British girls with boys names. Once this plays out, blow millions of dollars in a hair-brained scheme. The sympathy you'll win will earn you months of getting out of stuff you don't want to do and blowing off steam while globe-trotting with your even more worthless pals.
 
Rule #12- Propose in a manner which will make her so uncomfortable she just may say yes to escape the embarrassment. 
 
Follow these rules to land the perfect starter wife. And don't worry, if she turns you down you'll still have a fandom of girls mesmerized by your charm, good looks and bad boy spirit swooning for you. Who knows,  they may even beg for you and she to be reunited ;)
Oct 25, 2016

Cha-Ching! Cashing in on the Gilmore girls Revival



The substantial fandom is collectively holding its breath as we await the return of our beloved coffee-swilling, quick-quipping, slightly spastic Gilmore  girls. Several new announcements are being released daily.  So many, in fact, that my co-host and I have devoted an entire segment of our Gilmore girls podcast, Under the Floorboards, to collecting and sorting revival news for our listeners. We have espoused the opinion for several weeks that this is a most excellent time to be a Gilmore girls fan. Of course for fans like us, anytime is a great time!



Unfortunately, all this awesome comes at a price. Every news source on the planet seems committed to cashing in on the revival. The articles range from funny and informative, to completely asinine. I’m here to discuss the latter. The most latter. The biggest, steaming pile of latter you’ve ever stepped in.



In an article from a news source I won’t list or link because I will in no way be furthering the spread of such non-sense, several “mistakes” made in the Gilmore girls, are pointed out. This article essentially reads like a hate letter to Team Palladino.



As fans, most of us can (grudgingly) accept the crazy-varied opinions of other fans. Team Jess or Team Dean? Christopher- yay or nay? Jackson’s condom cap- keep it or toss it? Whatever the argument, at the end of the day we respect the opinions of our fellow fans, even when we disagree. This is the world the Palladino’s created; our very own Stars Hollow.



The disparaging article must have been penned by someone who can’t stand the show, yet watched it anyway. (Come to think of it, they should co-host a podcast ;) I’m not sure what could be left to like after tearing down the show’s creator, executive producers, writers, and several major story lines and characters. What irritates me- to the point I had no choice but to respond- is that here you have a person who clearly doesn’t get the Gilmore girls at all, telling us all why it sucks. Worse yet, it is now making it's way all across the interwebs, leaving behind it a trail of poop three feet dep. This article is nothing more than a shameless attempt to cash in on our “little corner of the world,” and that sucks.



I will now take each of the points offered in said article, and explain why they were written by a poo-poo head.



Luke gets a love child…
Oh, shit. Here we go again. Hasn’t there been enough April hate, already? For the last time, people, April was just a little girl who wanted to know her dad. She is an ASP creation and as such, should be respected as canon. Luke and Lorelai screwed up their relationship, plain and simple.



On top of this nonsense, the article claims ASP, “slowly began to dismantle the show behind-the-scenes,” after failed contract negotiations with the CW. Folks, ASP keeps the Stars Hollow sign hanging in her house. She fucking loved the show, the actors and the fans- so much so she’s giving us all the ending we’ve been begging for, BECAUSE we begged for it!



Chris and Lorelai get back together
Did I hate this storyline with a powerful, seething anger? Yeah-huh. However, this article refers to Chris and Lorelai as “Ross and Rachel.” Please. Also, season 7. C'mon.



The Digger and Lorelai relationship
This relationship is referred to as "filler." While I like to think of all of Lorelai's non-Luke relationships as filler, that is not the spirit this statement was written in. Chris Eigeman is called a big guest star who the writers struggled to find a place for just because he was available. Though Jason is not Luke, thereby not good enough for Lorelai, I enjoyed their storyline greatly. Digger was the only of Lorelai's boyfriends besides Luke who ever really kept up with her, and his interactions with Emily were priceless.



Rory gets a haircut and turns into a bitch
Apparently going to Yale turned the formerly studious girl into a "swan princess". The article sites her involvement with the Life & Death Brigade as evidence to support this fact.


It is true, that Rory went through a lot of changes after entering Yale. She did, in fact, get a bitchin' new haircut, which I missed horribly for the rest of the series. She meets new people, tries new things, grows as a student and writer, and yes, develops a much more confident veneer as she sheds her mousy personality gradually. Some might call this a "mistake." I prefer to think of it as a character arc, or even- the typical college experience. But what do I know?



Rachel returns and the writers don't know what to do with her
Ok...did you even watch this show? You know this isn't Friends, right? There was that Rachel reference above, so maybe the author was confused.



Luke's Rachel was mentioned in an episode prior to her return, and their relationship is a key piece of the Luke puzzle that gives his character depth, as well as forcing Lorelai to deal with her own feelings for Luke.


This point also rambles on about the show having so many characters they didn't know what to do with them all. Would any Gilmore fan dispute the fact that every character- from townie to Rory- had a critical part to play in developing our love for Stars Hollow?



Dean gets dumber
Admittedly,  I have always been bummed that Dean becomes less bookish as the series progresses. He was certainly a more well-rounded dude in season one, than anytime thereafter. However, this article treats Dean as if he were a knuckle-dragging dufus with no value at all, post first season. WTF?



Rory's two college gal pals
First of all- see above reference to all things season 7.



More importantly, Lucy and Olivia fucking rock! This is one of the few things about season 7 that worked for me. Besides the fact that I am in love with Krysten Ritter, Rory desperately needed a couple of sassy, quirky, gal pals. This article calls the girls, "utterly devoid of personality and purpose." I call them two scoops of awesome with a side of kick-ass. They are two of the biggest personalities in the final season, and a huge help in getting me through all the Logan crap.



Worse yet, this point includes Lindsay and Tobin as part of an "endless roster of useless characters." Wow. Just. Wow. I hate Lindsay passionately, but to call her useless is admitting you have no clue what the hell the Gilmore girls is even about. Lindsay is a pivotal character in developing Dean's story, as well as a truly entertaining addition to Dean and Rory's story. And Tobin?? Who- besides Michel- doesn't love Tobin?



Rory meets a naked dude who falls for her
#1- She's in college. Shit happens.
#2- Who wouldn't fall in love with Rory?



Jess was written off the show for a spinoff
What can be said? Whoops. While Jess was a beloved character, would you really want to begrudge the guy a chance at something to help him further his career? They tried something that didn't work. That's showbiz. 



For the love of all that is right in the world, if you just have to cash in on the revival, please watch the show, love the show and respect the show. Gilmore girls fans are part of a culture. We are residents of Stars Hollow, and we get ticked when people mess with our neighbors.
Apr 21, 2016
My name is Rob. I'm a 39-year-old dude, and I love Dean Forester from the Gilmore girls. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some Jared Padalecki stalker. I'm not IN LOVE with the guy. I know Dean is just a character on a TV show; albeit the best TV show ever.
It seems to me that Dean has got a really raw deal in the Gilmore girls fandom. With the revival on the horizon, I feel it is my duty as Dean's self-proclaimed wingman, and a Gilmore girls superfan, to have my boy's back.
 
The three biggest complaints I read about Dean:
1- He's too clingy.
2- He doesn't support Rory/ He holds her back.
3- He cheated on his wife to be with Rory
 
Let me explore each of these points individually.
 
He's too clingy. To quote Buffy the Vampire Slayer's Xander, "On behalf of my gender, hey!" I challenge anyone to site an example of Dean being clingy BEFORE Jess enters the picture. Prior to Jess, Dean, it's true, was devoted to Rory. He truly enjoyed spending all his time with her. He made sure he was always available to her, and that she was aware of this availability. He thought about her all the time. He built her a car. He defended her honor against tools like Tristan Douche-grey. He read and enjoyed Emma and other books that Rory suggested, as well as recommended Rory read Hunter Thompson. (Let us not forget that Dean was written to be a lot more bookish, pre-Jess.) Simply put, Dean was head-over-heels in love with Rory, and she adored him for his devotion. Dean wore his love for her on his sleeve, much to his own detriment later on.
 
Then came Jess; and who can blame Dean for being jealous and freaking out?  The writing on the wall was obvious to everyone,  especially Rory's passionate devotee. Dean held on for dear life the only way he knew how- by showering Rory with more and more attention. He was a young guy desperately in love with an incredible, one-of-a-kind girl who challenged him, inspired him and excited him in a way he was sure he'd never feel again if he lost her.
 
Dean doesn't support Rory/ Holds her back. What a load of BS. "She WILL go to Yale, and if she doesn't it won't be because of me." We all remember when Dean says this to Lorelai in Season 1. He proves it time and time again. Dean is always understanding about Rory's crazy workload. He never pressures her, but always makes himself available to her. Honestly, the guys a frickin' saint for how understanding he is. He constantly puts himself on her schedule. There is only one instance when Dean becomes frustrated at being ditched for the umpteenth time and acts like a total jerk. In the episode Hammers and Veils, Dean throws a tantrum when Rory says she can't see him on a day she has promised. He quickly realizes he was a jerk- Rory realizes she acted rashly, as well- and apologizes for his asinine behavior.
 
Dean cheats on his wife. Okay. No way around it, this is a huge screw-up. Dean cheats on Lindsay to be with Rory, and that sucks. However,  one thing that always chaps my butt about this argument is that Rory is never held to the same level of criticism as Dean. It takes two to tango, after all. Rory is every bit as guilty as Dean, yet she is never held accountable, while Dean is painted as a monster.
My defense of Dean on this point is never popular, but hey, when have I ever concerned myself with popularity?
 
Dean was a naive young man in love with a remarkable young woman. When Rory stomps on his heart during the Jess ordeal (wherein she cheated on Dean, btw), Dean's whole world is thrown off its axis. That boy loved Rory so deeply he couldn't imagine a future without her. He couldn't see how he'd ever meet someone as unique and amazing, who made him feel a love so deep, ever again. So he made a really bad choice- he settled. He settled for Lindsay; a beautiful, intelligent,  sweet young girl who seemed to really care about him. She appreciated his devotion, and, most importantly, she dulled the pain of the prospect of life without Rory. Dean found solice...and then he proceeded to make a slew of horrible life decisions.
 
He gets married to a girl who will never be more than his second choice. He cuts back on his college courses. He takes time off from college. He works more and more while Lindsay apparently stays home and concocts ideas to spend money. All of these things, I would point out, he does because he is still that same guy who puts the needs of the woman he cares about ahead of his own. He does all this for Lindsay.
 
It's obvious from even before the wedding, that Dean is still in love with Rory, and maybe always will be. So when opportunities arise to spend time with her, he eagerly pounces on them. When the chance to sleep with Rory presents itself, it's never even a question.

Should Dean have handled this situation better? Absolutely.  He should have been straight with Lindsay right away. Unfortunately there's no instruction manual for matters of the heart. He had already been burned by his love for Rory, and he was scared to give up what he had for a chance at something he'd already lost once before.
 
For those folks who think Dean's motivation for what he did was sex...you must have been reading or baking or something while you watched the entire series.  Dean screwed up monumentally,  but he did it for love.
 
What does Dean get in return for his love and devotion to Rory the second time around? Another epic heartbreak, after getting treated like dirt. Again.
 
I'm team Dean, but not in the way you'd expect. I want Dean back for the revival, but in my dream world Rory will end up with Jess, and Dean will have found an awesome girl who encouraged him to finish school and live up to his potential. She'll treat him with all the respect and love he deserves, he will love her passionately, and they will live happily ever after.
 
I have no doubt team Palladino will take care of my boy Dean.

 
Feb 12, 2016
My name is Elizabeth.  I’m a 34 year old chick who is tired of the amount of hate directed at April Nardini of Gilmore girls fame.  Now, please realize I said APRIL, not ANNA… Anna’s all on her own.  That bitch be crazy.  But April is someone who has been painted unfairly as a TWELVE YEAR OLD villain for the past decade.
[Disclaimer: I fully understand that the character of Luke’s daughter was introduced into the plot precisely to cause drama and an eventual break for Luke and Lorelai.  The character as a plot device we would have preferred never happened is not what I’m referring to here.  I’m talking about the people who blame the actions of the character entirely for the demise of their favorite television relationship.]

The biggest arguments I hear against the littlest Nardini are as follows:
  1. She was responsible for the destruction of our precious Luke and Lorelai.
  2. She was a low rent version of Rory.
  3. She pimped out her father to her swim instructor.


  1. She broke up Luke and Lorelai.
WHOA BOY!  Back up there for a second.  This is the argument that induces the most amount of rage in my soul.  Let’s all remember that when that little girl showed up in a helmet to Luke’s diner to get a DNA sample for her science fair project, she was all of TWELVE YEARS OLD.  I don’t know about you, but at 12 years old, I was more focused on buying my friends the perfect Looney Tunes poster for their birthdays and not on how to contribute to the utter destruction of an adult relationship that I previously had no knowledge of.  The only two people who were responsible for the dissolution of Luke and Lorelai were… wait for it… LUKE AND LORELAI (okay, and Anna Nardini didn’t help matters).  Luke started by not coming clean to his fiancée about the existence of his daughter for TWO months.  That started a snowball effect of lost trust that Lorelai was never able to fully regain.  And then the postponing of the wedding clearly broke Lorelai’s heart… but let’s be honest, the single most important element in any adult relationship is communication.  And Lorelai unfortunately had her bluff called about postponing the wedding and then never came clean with Luke about how she really felt.  And then… Christopher, as he always does, rides in to ruin the day once again.  But this can’t even be blamed on Christopher, the beloved Gilmore girls scapegoat.  Lorelai screwed the pooch Christopher and while I give her credit for having come clean to Luke… that was the nail in the coffin of what is so lovingly referred to as JavaJunkie (the ship name of Luke and Lorelai).  Nowhere in any of this do I see a twelve year old girl scheming to break up two grown-ass adults.  She wasn’t even trying to pull some Parent Trap nonsense.  She may not even be a teenager yet, but April is above that.


  1. The April character was a cheap copy of Rory.
Because God forbid we have two hardworking, studious young women on a single show.  We’re only allowed one.  The rest of the teenagers/young adult women need to be focused solely on how best to contour and whether or not they should get bangs (and don’t get me wrong, I’m not denigrating these things.  I have considered spending my daughter’s college fund at Sephora a time or twelve).   And aside from that, April and Rory are interested in two very different aspects of academia.  Rory is more literary while April is focused on STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math).  And to be honest, given this, April is the more revolutionary of the two young female characters.  Literature has always been seen as a predominantly female discipline while math and science are always shown to be dominated by the male species.  So not only are Rory and April not equally engaged in the same branches of academia, it can be argued that the character of April does more for the view of women in media than Rory does.  April actually breaks some of the female stereotypes.


  1. She tried to hook her dad up with her swim instructor.
At this point, April Nardini is the ripe ol’ age of thirteen.  She previously had a great relationship with her father’s ex-fiancée (if her mom hadn’t screwed that up.  Thanks Obama Anna!).  They were clearly headed in a direction that could have meant a lifelong friendship (with maternal overtones).  However, at this point in the show, that was not to be.  So April, concerned about her father being lonely, sees something in her swim instructor that might mean they’d be a good fit… even though in the end she was VERY wrong.  April clearly loves her father, even if she’s only known him for a whopping year.  She wants to see him happy and I’m sure she has a clear understanding of how hard the Lorelai break up was for him.  So, she tries to set him up.  I will never understand how anyone sees something devious in the act of a loving daughter who doesn’t want her father to feel lonely.  Luke and Lorelai are not together, this isn’t even a Rory/Logan situation where they may or may not have been broken up.  In the end it’s not and never should be a 13 year olds responsibility to repair a relationship that was already damaged.  Are the fans mad because she spent her energy trying to get her father to date the swim instructor instead of getting her back together with Lorelai?  Again I say… THIRTEEN.
In summation, April is an innocent pawn in AS-P’s universe that somehow is made out to be the bad guy.  And I truly believe that even Amy must be confounded by the feelings her fandom has towards this particular character.  She’s not Christopher, she’s not Anna… hell, she’s not even Rune.  She’s a young girl who has shown nothing but thoughtfulness and kindness to the people around her.  And let’s not forget that this girl had absolutely no father figure in her life until her twelfth year.  She could very well have been angry and bitter that she had been denied a relationship with her dad, that Luke missed out on her first steps, her first science project, the first time she completed the quadratic equation.  But instead she moved forward with her life in the spirit of building relationships with her father and all of the people important to him.  But yeah… she’s the reason we had to endure Lorelai’s as Mrs. Hayden in season seven.  ::all the eye rolls::
As this Bustle article stated, Vanessa Marano should absolutely return for Gilmore girls: Seasons.  Dislike the coincidence of her arrival to the end of Luke and Lorelai all you want…. But April Nardini is Luke’s daughter, maybe (hopefully) Lorelai’s stepdaughter and Rory’s stepsister.  She was a vital part of the final two seasons.  She was a creation of AS-P.  She deserves a spot in the revival and we, as Gilmore girls fans, deserve to know all the amazing ways April Nardini has lit the world on fire since we left her in 2007.



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